this rant has three parts to it.
note: do not take this personally, its addressed to no one in particular, and to everyone.
1. past-future
2. present
3. hair loss

part 1 - past future.
world, because of you, i went to the finest institutes for a good education.
world, all you kept on telling me through the 23 years of my life is, " i am competitive, do not get left behind. you have to work now to make it big." you lied !
world, because of what you told us, i had to sit for extra tuition classes, as i was dumb not to understand how chemistry works, or was not efficient at mathematics, in school.
world, because of what you said, i spent most of my time reading one textbook or another, none of which i remember, all of which i regret.
world, because of you, i had locked myself within the 4 walls of my room for 2 months before march 2003.
world, because of the above, i scored well, and barely managed to get into the next finest institute.
where, by the way, i had to enroll for tuition for every subject they taught in that institute.
world, those days, i used to leave home at 545am and return at 930pm four times a week.
world, i did not sleep some nights, as i was mechanically doing nonsense mathematics, algebra, calculus, physics and chemistry.
all of which i regret, none of which i remember.
world, this is what you put me through.
then, even after scoring a decent percentage, o world, you made sure admission to the next finest institute would not be a cake walk.
as luck would have it, i did get into it, despite your best efforts.

now listen carefully dear world,
once in the finest professional institute, I decided for myself to work my arse off and learn. learn what it had to offer.
world, i learnt over there to think for myself, to fend for myself, to be independent, have a rational mind.
world, i learnt that architecture is more than a bunch of clowns parading a fashion show in bkc.
world, i learnt about art, music, film, building technology.
i learnt to read ! which you never allowed me to.
i learnt about the masters, about good architecture, about phenomenon and about light, about space and about more than just building.

world ! you might be happy to know, i ended my course on a personal high.
so,
to sum up,

world, i have been in servitude for the past 23 years of my life.
you told me to work for a future that isn't there.
you promised and you lied !
and now you have the audacity to ask me to be patient !

part 2 - present.
world,
as i already mentioned, 23 years of my life i willingly gave up for the sake of some distant dream image.
now, you listen good,
world, the last 5 years of my life have been by far the best and the most memorable. i leave the institute a changed man.
i have a set of beliefs, morals, ethics and more importantly dreams of my own.

i have not worked so hard for the past 5 years,
to hear you tell me now, to forget it all, loose my morals and beliefs, bury my dreams and become a prostitute, because that is your way.

to hell with you !

one day you come whisper in my ear, offer sympathy and support my decision to not be a slave, to have patience and offer encouragement.
on other days, you have the nerve to walk up to me and advise me to become a prostitute in your system !
you demoralise, frustrate, depress the living daylights out of me at times, and if that isn't enough, serve a constant reminder of the hair loss that you have very lovingly blessed me with, at the age of 23, i am balding ! i thank you from the bottom of my heart !

part 3 - hair loss.
yes ! world ! listen loud and clear !
i am loosing hair, i am balding ! it is major !
do not discuss it in my face ever again !
also,
do not offer sympathy and tell me its due to the stress.
i will tell you why.
if you want to pin this one on stress, blame yourself ! think about who put me through all that stress, and why ?
so you are the reason.
further more,
do not offer advise and do not ever tell me to go see a doctor,
because,
no amount of medication, treatment or surgery can undo what is going through my mind, every single day, stress if you want to call it, and it has all been supplied by you!
for the last 23 years.

i am done with the rant.
so world, one last thing you have to hear,
so keep your ears open.

23 years i lost.

i did not read, i wanted to, but did not.

i loved to draw, and i couldn't do anything about it.

i loved my cycle, and you took it away.

when i should have out playing, exploring the neighbourhood, i was indoors, memorising Shakespeare, or solving sums. i never got out much except for the odd escape to the terrace where you couldn't tell me anything.

so,

now, is my time !
it is my time do what i think is right.
you do not get to tell me what .. anymore.
you have to sit back and watch me do, watch me give form to my dreams.
the way i think it fit.
by my way, my morals, my ethics, my beliefs, my terms and my conditions.

now is my time !
my time to create.
my time to live.
my time to love.
my time to be loved.
my time to roam, my time to see.
my time to draw, paint and write.
my time ... its my time.
my time to study, further study, when i want, where i want, how i want.
you have done enough.

watch it unfold !

so do yourself a favour and shut up !
the more you speak, the farther i will get from you.